Today I am pleased to publicly announce the “Do Nothing for You” Initial Coin Offering (ICO). The Do Nothing Technologies (DNT) token sale will begin next month, and all are welcome to send their bitcoin and ethereum to the smart-contract protected DNT address. This crowd sale will offer tokens that have no purpose, assets that do nothing, and an upfront promise that our team will “do absolutely nothing for you,” but will make me very rich.
Announcing the “Do Nothing for You” Token Sale Offering Far More Promise Than Any ICO to Date
Interestingly enough I’ve found that I possess the skills to easily create a token sale utilizing a ‘virtual machine’ and a couple thousand bucks. My team and I have created a fantastic website covered with fancy little graphics, a place where you can read our white paper, and be able to purchase our DNT blockchain tokens. The white paper is very detailed with only a few paragraphs which were approved by my attorneys. It states the true intentions of the DNT token sale and the roadmap we’ve prepared for the future.
“The DNT sale is not an investment or a token that possesses any value,” explains our white paper filled with blockchain word salad and loosely related math. “The purpose of the “Do Nothing for You” blockchain is simple to understand. You give us bitcoins and ether, and we promise we will fill our pockets with wealth and not help you in the least.”
You can guarantee our tokens will have absolutely no benefit for you, but for us, it’s a different story.
99 Billion Tokens and the DNT Roadmap
The ‘Do Nothing’ team has decided to issue 99 billion tokens just because we can. 70 billion tokens will be initially distributed to developers and my family. This will increase digital scarcity and we “promise” these funds will be “locked up” in a time release smart contract. Additionally, we’ve added a timer to our website so investors feel like they should invest before time runs out. Furthermore, our team has invested some of our initial capital towards advertising in North America, but we must inform the residents from the U.S. that they are not allowed to invest in DNT.
The DNT roadmap explicitly details how we will use the ethereum and bitcoins you send to our fund. We can guarantee you won’t see any increased wealth from investing in DNT, but you can rest assure my family, and I will be purchasing Lamborghinis and a few homes in Switzerland. By the way, our company is registered in Antigua, and our office with a bar is located in the heart of the Canton of Zug.
I promise to buy a Lamborghini with DNT funds.
A Token That Does Nothing Is a Step Above the Rest
“Decentralized blockchain computation is here as DNT’s smart contract execution will distribute wealth to our development team and my family and friends,” explains CEO of the firm Do Nothing Technologies, Jamie Redman. “You can guarantee the DNT team will grow wealthier than our investors as our sole promise is to provide worthless tokens in exchange for ethereum and bitcoin.”
The DNT team has realized there is a blockchain token for literally every concept under the sun. From tokens that help you brush your teeth, gamified applications that help you choose clothes to wear, and even assets that can flush the toilet for you via smart contract technology. We thought there really is a token economy for everything and no one has created a token that does nothing — That day we gave birth to the DNT economy.
So if you are looking to invest in decentralized blockchain technology that makes my partners and my family wealthy, you’ve found the right ICO. We are somewhat confident there is no cryptocurrency technology offered to date that doesn’t do anything, and we’re proud to design a token that does just that. Every week or so there is a new ICO, but we believe DNT sets us apart from those offering digital assets with so many features. With DNT we’ve developed a technology that’s not bogged down by so many decentralized applications. Instead, we built a platform that will rise above the rest because our promises are real. We guarantee you nothing.
And, you can also be sure our ICO is better than any of all those other new ‘almost-do-nothing’ blockchain protocols, like Waynechain, a distributed ledger that claims to be the “greatest technological breakthrough of the 21st Century.”
What do you think about my ICO concept? Let me know what you think in the comments below.
Disclaimer: The DNT token sale, ICO, website, Do Nothing team, and all of the statements written above are completely fictional. The story is satire and meant to poke fun at some of the funny ICOs taking place every week.
Images via Jamie Redman, and Pixabay.
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