So You Want to Be a Cryptocurrency Ninja

By Nathana Sharma and Sonia Arrison

Image courtesy of Stock Catalog.

You want to be rich. You know it’s time to get into the crypto scene when your barista is talking about investing. If you don’t get in now, you definitely won’t make money.

And that’s why, while you drink your cat-shit coffee, you ponder how to slip this topic into every conversation, especially on social media.

As they say, you have to fake it till you make it. If your goal is to inhabit Sol someday, you better get to work now. Here are some tips for you.

When you’re chatting with your roommate’s crypto-bro friend…

“Dude, it’s frustrating that most people don’t get that Bitcoin is old school. Ethereum, ADA Cardano and Tezos is where it’s at. Also, why are people always so obsessed with currency? Blockchain is not just about money — it’s a way to keep a peer-to-peer record of all online transactions. It’s a revolution!”

We recommend this approach — blitz people with jargon, and they’ll inevitably pretend they know what you’re talking about. It works in a lot of different areas of life, and it will work in crypto too. Everyone wants to seem like they know what they’re talking about, and no one wants to feel stupid.

When your economist friend posts something about the inevitability of cryptocurrency on Facebook…

Post a comment saying that Bitcoin value has appreciated way faster than tulips at the height of the tulip bubble, and include a tulip emoji.

They’ll respond with an article explaining that the tulip bubble never actually happened and was purely a myth. But at least you get into the conversation that way.

Buy some tulips for your friend afterward.

When your charity-minded friends whine about the world’s obsession with cryptocurrencies…

“It’s not just about money. Did you know that blockchain technology powers the UN’s World Food Programme to feed refugees? There are at least 10,000 Syrian refugees who wouldn’t have had access to food without the help of this tech.”

Now you’re at the intersection of crypto / world affairs / nonprofits. You’ve hit an absolute sweet spot here. You’ll get amazing reviews and come off as a humanitarian — very San Francisco.

When your Lyft driver brings up the pressing issue of high Airbnb fees…

“Did you know that blockchain-based companies are software-eating software? Oh yeah, Airbnb’s high margins are an opportunity for blockchain-based competitors. You should check out some of the peer-to-peer decentralized competitors to Airbnb, like Bee Token with 0 percent commissions.”

Wait a second. Your Lyft driver probably knows way more about cryptocurrency than you do and wouldn’t buy this bullshit for a second. They’re probably already crypto millionaires and driving you around because they’re bored AF.

When the environmentalist on the street corner asks you to sign a petition outlawing cryptocurrencies…

“I agree it’s shocking that creating one digital token might consume twice as much electricity as the average American household in one year. That’s why I advocate for crypto produced with renewable energy. Also, next-gen crypto technology is proof of stake and doesn’t even need ‘mining’ and so doesn’t have these energy-consumption problems.”

Mic drop. They forget to collect your information and just let you walk by without saying a word. A complete first. You walk past and notice that they’re taking notes on their iPhone trying to remember exactly what you said and how you phrased it.

When your feminist friend laments the lack of women invested in cryptocurrencies…

“It’s definitely a problem. Only 5%–7% of cryptocurrency users are women. Maybe it’s because there’s a bro culture around the tech, or maybe it’s because women just don’t think encryption is all that interesting. But thanks to events like the one recently hosted by Brit Morin of Brit + Co, interest from women is growing. Britcoin, anyone?”

You realize this article was written by women, and you post it on social media.

So You Want to Be a Cryptocurrency Ninja was originally published in The Bold Italic on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Publication date: 
03/06/2018 - 17:46

The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the authors and do not reflect the views of Bitcoin Insider. Every investment and trading move involves risk - this is especially true for cryptocurrencies given their volatility. We strongly advise our readers to conduct their own research when making a decision.