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Sometimes I feel like Iāve sold my soul at the expense of my own profitability.
Sometimes I feel as though Iāve tainted something that I used to do for free, something that has started to boil down more towards the bottom line than the amount of satisfaction I get from actually doing saidĀ thing.
Professionally, many of us tend to attribute our successes to our skills and experiences leading up to them. It enables us feel like we are in control of our success, even if that feeling is marginal. And magnifying and promoting those feelings is how we increase our own value in the markets we endeavorĀ in.
Iām confident in saying that the majority of professionals have experienced failure, and in various degrees. Many of the freelancing and entrepreneurial stories that tend to reverberate are the typical āI quit my job and immediately started my business doing X, never looked back since.ā (likely just as plentiful as those ā10 ways to increase your successā articles).
To each their own IĀ supposeā¦
Many people describe dropping out of college as the best decision they ever made. Yet the next 12 months following could only be described as perhaps one of the most testing times of myĀ life.
I lost all my consecutive jobs as a factory laborer, lost the heart of the person I loved (and was living with), lost the respect of the family that raised me for 12 years, and became homeless for nearly 2 wholeĀ months.
It was after losing my third job due to health reasons that I realized I needed to convert my hobby into something I could profit from. And it was in the heart of the storm that I started to embrace the fact that, perhaps this part-time hobby Iāve enjoyed for 8 years was my only scapegoat left.
I created an opportunity out of my own demise, profit out of my own desperation; potentially one of the most inspiring, yet disheartening things Iāve everĀ done.
Where many of my friends and colleagues saw determination and an unrelenting force to make something good out of the shitstorm, I could only see the shitstorm, and how perfectly it suitedĀ me.
It was then that I discovered a flaw in my own character (and perhaps human nature). In the eye of the shitstorm, I realized how badly I wanted something when there was no realistic way to achieve it. For me, this was the only viable catalyst for my own success; the shitstorm was the reason for me to push myself out of the shit and towards theĀ gold.
But when you are desperate, itās hard to accept the existence of foolsāĀ gold.
Post-shitstorm and the persistent dangers of working as aĀ hobby
As of time of writing, I make a modest wage working for an organisation that I love, and have travelled to places I never thought Iād be able to see in my lifetime. And yet, I still feel this sense of loathing withinĀ me.
Even now, I am faced with the artistās dilemma. Despite how skilled I am, or how well my work is received and perceived by others, or how my friends and colleagues complement how far Iāve come; it will never be enough to mask the feelings about my ownĀ value.
That being said, being able to separate oneself from the ever taunting imposters syndrome is what defines a hobbiest from a professional, which for many (myself included) can prove to be challenging on many fronts. This is one of the dangers of transitioning from a long-term hobby directly to aĀ career.
Despite oneās passion in, or the willingness to improve oneās craft for the sake of doing so: it never seems to weigh well against someone who labels themself as āexpertā or āskilled professional.ā The label of hobbyist will always, at least for me, carry that weight of almost there but notĀ quite.
Despite having nearly 10 year experience in JavaScript (the programming language I specialize in as my career), the transition from hobbyist left me with this irrational fear of never weighing up against colleagues or grad students, who may have more realistic expectations of their own value and what they are able toĀ offer.
And most of all, it almost never has anything to do directly with skill, and more to do with perceived value, which is neither directly quantifiable or completely understood on a personal, or even professional level.
Experience and certifications, unfortunately, do not directly equate to oneās ability to function in a given capacity. Thats where value proposition comes in, and as a hobbyist (or ex-hobbyist) itās not always easy to weigh that sort ofĀ worth.
This can lead to often lead to a under-evaluation of oneās value, as well as a unwillingness (and perpetual fear) to increase that given value following additional experiences and ventures.
Selling your hobby, or transitioning into a part or full time capacity in your trade of choice can lead you, as it did for me, to introspect parts of your own abilities and character. If uninterrupted, this can and typically will lead to a potential under-evaluation of what you can actually offer your clients and employers.
Understanding your own way of thinking and your own abilities is the most essential combatant in preventing yourself from underselling, and risk never increasing your ability to reach new opportunities.
The dangers of selling your hobby was originally published in Hacker Noon on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
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