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Iāve been suffering fromĀ stress.
Stress that has been fueled by imposter syndrome. Itās not something Iāve dealt with before, because I have worked on teams where Iām the only analyst. Now that Iām on a team of 20+ analysts and developers I suddenly feel out of my depth. I used to live in āI donāt know what I donāt knowā world. Now I can see quite clearly what I donāt know and itās overwhelming.
Hereās how Iām facing up to how Iām feeling, so I donāt one day run screaming from the building.
I donāt have to know everything, about everything.
Overthinking small mistakes, feeling totally lost in meetings because I donāt know half the technologies everyone else seems to be completely fine with, always having to reluctantly ask for help after spending an hour googling, lurking through databases and knowing that it must be some simple thing Iām missing. And to make it worse, constantly feeling like Iām falling farther and farther behind the next, new technology or AWS offering.
There is so much to learn about how things work now, and things are constantly changing. Instead of comparing myself to the seniors on my team Iām trying to use the sense of panic as motivation to learn more from those aroundĀ me.
Not every request is an emergency
Our team has an inbound ticket queue, something new Iāve had to work with this year. While we donāt have SLAs on how quickly these are filled, the feeling they are piling up and not answered instantly is stressful. Mainly because I know I canāt whizz through and get everything ticked off in a day because I donāt have all the answers. They come in waves and itās a seemingly impossible task to balance project work and ticket demands without falling prey to multitasking.
After talking to my manager Iām going to balance tickets with project work by blocking out time for both and remembering that even though the ticket is assigned to me I donāt necessarily need to be the one to answer. There are plenty of subject matter experts on our team. I canāt expect to be an expert in all these areasĀ too.
I donāt expect tickets I raise with other teams to be answered instantly, so why do I put pressure on myself thisĀ way?
Leave work atĀ work
I didnāt realise how much I was obsessing myself over my job until I had this conversation with my manager. On my walk to work, I was thinking about work. When I was walking home, I was thinking about work, even if nothing bad had really happened. I would sit on the couch, working or reading about work, then fall into bed dreaming about work. I was causing a lot of my own suffering, so have promised myself I don't think about work when Iām not atĀ work.
Remember the goodĀ stuff
Itās a little braggy, but given Iām the only one who reads it, it doesnāt matter. Iāve started a list of all the new things Iāve learned and technologies Iāve had to start using. Now that Iāve put it on paper it reminds me that I am capable of picking up new things and that they are worth learning.
Our team celebrates success with a Monthly Awesome Award. Everyone can nominate someone who has gone above and beyond with some nice words and a funny gif on our team Confluence page. This puts things in perspective and lets us all reflect on the good work we do, and everyone loves a funnyĀ gif.
It neverĀ ends
Talking to my manager has been a huge help. Getting feedback that I am on the right track, setting goals and taking some actions to block out time for projects, tickets and training have made the workload seem more manageable.
When I feel overwhelmed and think that Iām not meeting expectations I know I can talk to my manager and my team. Thereās a lot I donāt know yet, the same as everyoneĀ else.
Originally published atĀ dev.to.
Managing Stress Fueled by Imposter Syndrome was originally published in Hacker Noon on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
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